“God Loves to Forgive”
Dear church,
Is there anything harder than giving up a grudge? Or forgiving someone again for an offense committed many times before? Is it even advisable to do so, lest we encourage such behavior even more through our kindness and leniency? “How many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?” When Jesus answers this famous question posed by Peter who tried to make things practical and real, he doubles down, interestingly. We wonder why. I am with Peter. I am no saint. I know my limits. I know that I cannot forgive the same person seven times seventy times. I will likely quit long before that. So, Lord, are you merely exaggerating or asking me to do something humanly impossible, out of the fullness of your divine spirit? Or do you just want to increase my capacity for forgiveness by any means? Most of us have benefitted from setting our goals higher that what we can possibly achieve. That way we almost always achieve more than if we are too realistic.
The good news in a world full of grudges and vengeful phantasies is this: God loves to forgive and God wants us to become more forgiving. It’s a recipe for healing. I would add to that out of my human experience and my admitted limitations that often times forgiving takes time and also some movement from the other side. For example, it’s virtually impossible to forgive someone for an offense when they don’t see that they have done anything wrong. Then we can only let go of the issue for our own mental health and inner peace. Also, often we need some time to grapple with our inner feelings and resentments before we can forgive or move on. We are human.
Still, the good news in a world full of grudges and vengeful phantasies is this: God loves to forgive and God wants us to become more forgiving. That’s the bottom line. We know from older biblical texts that the former rule was “an eye for an eye.” And believe it or not, that marked progress from times before that when people responded to personal injury by inflicting even greater injury on their opponent. It often ended in a cycle of violence. We can even see that in our world today.
The “eye for an eye” rule was meant to limit the excesses of the human spirit, the uncontrolled outburst of the amygdala, that old part of the brain that’s very reactive and non-reflective, the part of us that wants to get back at others, and get back at them hard. The “eye for an eye” rule meant, “Only one eye please. No more!” But now Jesus tightened this loophole for human vengefulness and encouraged his disciples to try living without vengeance entirely. “You don’t need to get back at anyone,” he taught. “You are free to forgive and move on. Live in the freedom of the children of God! Stay away from those cycles of negativity! They lead to no good.” In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said this: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” (Matthew 5: 38-40)
Again, that sounds like more than we can handle, more than what I can handle, to be honest. Yet, the good news is… In a world full of grudges and vengeful phantasies, God loves to forgive and God wants us to become more forgiving. Did I say that already?
The Bible is an old sacred book in which the full range of human emotions and reactions is on display, even in God himself. It would be easy to point at some stories of God’s own vengefulness in the Old Testament. There are more than one or two. But the more important point is where this book leads us and where it lands on the issue. We can even take some comfort and strength from those difficult and violent parts of the Bible. Look, if it even took God a few centuries to forgive and love unconditionally, to let go of oversized expectations and meet us where we are, we should not be too hard on ourselves. Forgiving is hard and it usually does take time. Like grieving, it can also go back and forth; forgiving doesn’t progress smoothly. One day you are ready to forgive, the next day the old feelings come back and take hold of you. One day you want to burn the bridge and the next day you find it in yourself to salvage some of the connection. That’s how it goes.
In the end Jesus does not want to set any limit on forgiveness or love, as if this was a religious rule to be fulfilled and when we have done it three times we are done. In the end, Jesus always wants to enlarge the human heart and our capacity to love. That’s why he gives Peter this wonderful, ridiculous response. “Seven times seventy times.” Don’t even think about how often. Take each day and each challenge, each relationship and each issue on its own and try as best you can to be a loving person; also, never forget to love yourself and to respect your innermost feelings in the process. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” And always keep in mind… In a world full of grudges and vengeful phantasies, God loves to forgive and God wants us to become more forgiving. It’s a recipe for healing.
Amen.
